February photo a day: Days 11-24

February is almost coming to an end, as is the February photo challenge. While I hope for a March one, here are the last two weeks of photos.

11. Something that makes you happy: Scott always makes me happy.

12. Your closet: The dress side. I'm really starting to miss those non-maternity dresses.

13. Blue: Preston's airplane mobile

14. Heart: Little hearts on my penguin valentine from Scott

15. Phone: A close up of my office phone

16. Something new: A gentleman print for the nursery from my mother-in-law

17. Time: The countdown on my computer leading up to my due date

18. Drink: Water at Burger Up with my family

19. Something you hate to do: I hate the car ride to and from Nashville.

20. Handwriting: I think the photo speaks for itself.

21. A favorite picture of you: I love this picture of Scott and me at his M.B.A. graduation.

22. Where you work: My desk space, where brilliant copy is written

23. Shoes: My shoes, kicked off because pregnant, puffy feet don't do well within the confines of shoes

24. Inside your bathroom cabinet: This is actually my bathroom drawer.

I hope you have a lovely weekend! Scott and I are headed to Little Rock for one last hoo-rah with some friends before the baby arrives. Then Sunday night is the Oscars! I need to study up on my nominees so  I can finally beat Scott this year. 

Awkward and Awesome Thursday

My Nashville baby shower. The amazing hostess (and my second mom) Sandra, Lindsey, me. Courtney, Leslie, and my mom.

 Awkward:
- Having to apologize to my teacher Monday night for the horrible spelling on my quiz. Pregnancy brain is fully dependent on spell check.
- Being completely unable to cross my legs anymore. I feel so unladylike trying to force my knees to stay together. I need a Thigh Master to prepare those muscles next time.
- Attending a breast feeding class at the hospital. It was probably more awkward for Scott as the only male in the room, but the teacher praised him for his being there and the support he was giving me. I say he was the only male; there was actually another guy lurking in the hall for a time, trying to get a sneak peak. Joke's on you, creeper. All that he saw on the PowerPoint was different kinds of bottles.


Awesome:
- The amazing baby shower thrown for me at my home congregation in Nashville. It was amazing how many people showed up and all of the gifts we received. We couldn't even get them all back home! They were just material representations of all the love I have received from that congregation in my life. I felt very blessed.
- A sweet lady at church whom I've never spoken to grabbed me in the hall to tell me how cute I looked. "It's not easy looking that cute, especially while pregnant, but you do!" I wanted to tell her how it's not easy to feel cute, either, and that she definitely helped with that.
- Having my Thursday night class cancelled. It's the little things, like not having to sit in an uncomfortable chair from 7-9:30 p.m., that make it all worth while.

Authenticity and the fear of failure

Baby things are slowly taking over.

Lately, Joanna of Cup of Jo has been tackling the idea of being authentic. It's easy in a world of blogging, Facebook, Twitter, etc., to only put out the positive aspects of our lives and hide the negative ones. No one puts up pictures of them home alone on a Friday (except those teenage, emo kids — but that's another story for another day); instead we post happy, smiling pictures, bragging on our perfect husband, spotless house, and adorable children. But that's only a half truth.

This is something I'm guilty of. So, I want to work on being more authentic here. Starting with this.

I'm two months away from giving birth, and I'm scared out of my mind.

It's not the labor part. I can see that as a passing thing. Temporary. You're not in labor for 18+ years of your life. But that's how long (and longer) I'm given the task of being this little boy's mom.

I glow and gleam about the upcoming birth of my son, but the flip side to that coin is the fact that I feel completely and utterly unprepared. Does that make my excitement any less real? No, but in my avoidance of my other feelings, it makes me feel a little fake. It's like when someone says, "Hi, how are you?" and you reply with "Fine." We've all got a little more than "fine" going on in there.

In the midst of the "getting ready for baby" classes we've been taking at the hospital, I find myself feeling less and less prepared as they provide more and more information about how to raise and care for a baby. It gives me a feeling of panic to hear it all, wishing someone could just give me a manual on how to be an expert on my child. But that's impossible. I have to learn to be an expert, put in my 10,000 hours as discussed in Outliers, in order to become an expert on Preston's whimpers, cries, faces, wiggles, giggles, poops, and sighs. But 10,000 hours is 416 days, and what if I royally screw it up on day two?

The problem is one of those top five fears that everyone has: the unknown. Scott and I are about to dive in to a big ol' pool of it, and the arm floaties we've been given feel like the cheap, off-brand kind from Dollar General.

It's a little like marriage, I think. While engaged, I never called my love for Scott into question, but I did question my ability to be someone's wife. I'd never done that before. In the same way, I undoubtedly love this little boy — and I've yet to meet him face to face. I worry, though, that I won't be all he needs me to be. I've never been a mom before.

I don't say all of this for pats on the back and declarations of "Oh, you'll be great!" but more as a release. This is the whole story — no bottling it up or packaging it in a more appealing way. Just my way of laying it all out there and being OK with the fact that it's not all perfect and planned precisely.

February photo a day

During the month of January, I was sad I missed out on the January photo a day on Instagram. Lucky for me, there was a February one right around the corner. Here are days 1-10.

1. Your view: What I see when I look down

2. Words: The AP Stylebook 

3. Hands: Scott's hands playing guitar

4. A stranger: My feet are strangers nowadays.

5. 10 a.m.: At church

6. Button: I've given up on taking the stairs at work.

7. Dinner: I ate dinner too fast to post it, so this is my post-dinner decaf latte in class

8. Sun: Peaking around the chapel on my way in to work

9. Front door: I love our front door. It was a major selling point to me.

10. Self portrait: With my new favorite cereal (It's that important to me.)

Have a happy weekend! Mine will be spent finishing up a presentation and trying to trick Scott into taking me to see "The Vow."

Baby Barack?

An expert photo editor I am not.

I haven't had a lot of baby dreams during my pregnancy. The most common one is that Preston is already born, and I'm in the bad habit of leaving him places — laying on the ground, sitting in a grocery cart, underneath the Christmas tree, etc. Nothing too weird; just my subconscious's way of processing how underprepared I feel.

Saturday, though, I had a weird one. With an ultrasound this Friday (hopefully with a little 3D action thrown in there so we can see what this little guy looks like), I've been wondering what features he'll have from my end of the gene pool and which will come from Scott's. In my dream, the ultrasound tech put the magic ultrasound wand to my belly only to reveal that my son looked just like Barack Obama. There little Preston/Barack was, smiling Obama's iconic smile, waving on the ultrasound monitor. Then he pulled out a guitar and gave an impromptu, in utero rock concert, complete with dog collar necklace (I blame this commercial for that detail).

I woke up very confused after that. According to What to Expect When You're Expecting, dreams about your baby's appearance signifies concern for the baby's growing or fear that your baby will inherit your bad traits.

But what about when your baby looks like the Commander-in-Chief?

Awkward and Awesome Thursday

One of my favorite blogs is The Daybook (and the blog's author, Sydney, was one of my favorite pregnant people to envy. Don't believe me? Lookie here. It's just not fair). Anyway, each Thursday she posts awkward and awesome happenings from her week, so I thought I'd join in. What's not to love about sharing the awkward/awesomeness?

Chocolate chip cookie and hot chocolate? Always awesome.

Awkward:
- Snoring so loudly that I woke myself up from my nap — at my desk at work. This tiredness thing has got to let up a little.
- Wearing a (what used to be) big hoodie to class only to have the girl next to you say, "Your husband is going to have to buy you a bigger sweatshirt." Looks like 27 weeks is as far as I can stretch my non-maternity clothes.
- Upon hearing someone say, "Hey!" outside my office door, responding back, only to realize they were talking to someone else out in the hallway and not me. I quickly hid under my desk.

Awesome:
- While I might still fall asleep at the office every now and then, I have become a nap ninja elsewhere, able to squeeze in 10 minutes of shut eye anywhere and everywhere I am. And I haven't fallen asleep in my night classes once this semester!
- Keebler fudge sticks. If I let go of all self control, I could eat the whole box, but I refrain. They're worth every calorie, though.
- It's in the mid-60s on February 2nd. I could grow to like winter if it was always like this. Although a girl could always use at least one snow day.

Attack of the pregnancy brain

Through a process of trial and error (lots of error), I've learned that pregnancy brain and birthdays don't mix. As much as I try to be ahead of the game and on top of things, I have inevitably failed in the birthday greetings department. My mom's birthday is in December. I had her card bought in November and had it mailed a good three or four days before her actual birthday. I was so proud — until it was 9:30 p.m. on the night of her birthday and I had yet to call her. I had spent the whole day thinking it was a Wednesday, knowing that Mom's birthday was on a Tuesday. Needless to say, I felt like a heel.

Then January rolls around along with my sister's birthday. I had bought her card at the same time I had Mom's, so it was ready and waiting on the desk to be signed, sealed and delivered. It wasn't until I called Courtney to wish her a happy birthday on that day that I realized the card was still patiently awaiting further orders and not on its merry way to Nashville.

I tell these (no doubt incredibly enthralling) stories to say that I've yet to come up with the perfect system to remember anything. Aside from the birthdays, pregnancy brain has made keeping up with my class assignments next to impossible. I have them written down all over the place, only to come back to my scrawlings with little recognition as to what it all means. And forget forming on a coherent sentence. I've decided to just start tossing out sandwich meats as filler.

These little Rememberings seem like they would be helpful. They're the "Live Strong"-style option to the traditional string around your finger. The only problem is that I would have to remember to put one on or figure out which one of them I need to remember. I could always go the Harry Potter route and carry a Remembrall like Neville.

To top it all off, I had a cute little one-liner for an ending, but I forgot it. Oh well.

Salami.

Rememberings images via Design Milk.