I mentioned in my last post that there is quite a list of parenting ideals I had pre-baby that have not withstood post-baby reality. It's easy to be that person when you're pregnant, droning on about all the things you're going to do (Organic baby food! Sleeping in his own bed!) and not going to do (No TV! No ugly plastic toys!) like you're some parenting pro. But then you get this person with his own opinions and ways he thinks work best, and you find yourself hopping around the living room singing "Roll the Gospel Chariot" for the 53rd time if it means he'll close his eyes for two minutes.
Yes, the reality of parenting is far different from the ideal of parenting. Here are some of the things I wanted to achieve and how they actually panned out.
Ideal: Breast feeding only
Reality: Success!
I knew from the beginning that I wanted Preston to be a breast fed baby, and I knew the commitment that would take with being a working mom. My first goal was to make it at least six months. I was fortunate to get three months of maternity leave, so nursing was well-established when I started back, and after six months of pumping, I haven't had to supplement once (
not that there's anything wrong with that), making it past that first goal. My new goal is at least a year, but I'm willing to go as long as he wants.
Ideal: Make my own baby food
Reality: So far, so good.
In addition to breast feeding, I knew I wanted us to make Preston's solid foods, too. I was going to go all out, too — making the rice cereal in addition to the vegetable and fruit purees. A regular Martha Stewart of baby foods. I gave up the rice cereal pretty quickly, though, because 1) it was pain in the buns and 2) the pre-packaged stuff is iron-foritified especially for babies unlike regular rice, but I am making the fruits and veggies (with the
Beaba Baby Cook). Usually Sunday is baby food day, making and freezing whatever food is low that week. (This week was sweet potatoes and bananas. Now you can get off the edge of your seat.)
Ideal: Baby will sleep in his own bed.
Reality: Not if he can help it
For the most part, he sleeps well in his crib, but it's on his own terms. And we haven't helped much with that. After being away from him all day, Scott and I both like to hold him once he's fallen asleep and watch TV while cuddling with him. Until recently he transitioned well once we finally laid him down. Teething put a major kink in this, too, waking him up in the middle of the night and wanting to be held again. For the past month he's taken to sleeping on me at some point during the night because, when you're tired and just want two hours of unbroken sleep, you'll do anything. Snuggling with an adorable baby isn't that hard of a choice.
Ideal: No screen time until 2 years old.
Reality: Lasted until he opened his eyes
After taking a child development class in grad school, I had studied how the brain develops from infancy into adolescence. The book suggested that the best thing was that infants have zero screen time (exposure to TV, smart phones, computers, etc.) until 2 for optimal development. But the TV's flashing lights drew him in like a moth to a flame. We avoid it as much as possible, but he'll still crane his neck to see what's going on or reach out for any phone he comes in contact with.
Ideal: No battery operated toys
Reality: Lasted until Christmas
This plan was more for my sake than anything — trying to avoid too many loud, clanging, sing-song objects from overrunning the place — but come Christmastime Preston got a few new toys that required a sackful of Energizers. I worried that a toy that did everything for him would stifle some creativity, too, but I've noticed that he interacts with the toys whether they're on or not, plus they're introducing him to things I've neglected. (For instance: the ABC song. I had never sang that to him until his little baby "iPad" did. He was seven months old! Shame on me.) The preservation of my sanity is that all of them have volume control. Happy day!
Ideal: Scott and I would still have regular date nights.
Reality: Three in nine months
While out to dinner pre-baby, Scott would always ask, "How are we going to do this when he comes?" I'd always joke, "There's this thing called a babysitter. I think it's new ..." But now on the flip side I see how hard that babysitter option is. It's kind of hard to ask someone to watch your most cherished possession because you don't want to inconvenience them (a date in Little Rock consists of 2 hours round-trip travel time, an hour for dinner, and a 2 1/2 hour movie — so about 6 hours!) plus to be away from him after being at work 40 hours a week plus a 3 hour night class at some point just seems to be too much. But, enough with hour math. We're starting to get back out there and realizing the importance of keeping those date nights established.
Ideal: We wouldn't let baby keep us from going places.
Reality: Decent job
If possible, Scott and I knew beforehand that we wanted to still go and do the things that interested us or that we found fun once Preston arrived, and for the most part we've done that. Not to the same level we were at before, but we've never felt tethered to the house because of Preston. We took him to Florida at 6 weeks, traveled for Thanksgiving and Christmas, spent days shopping in Little Rock and Rogers, plus gone to a few sporting events. All in all, we've been blessed with an easy going kiddo, so we are free to do as we please — provided we bring plenty of back up pacis.
So, there you have it. For you current parents, what would you add to the list? What were some of your goals that proved to be unrealistic when set into motion. I'd love to hear them!
